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Presentation
 HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME Both take up too much space on the bed. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. Both mark their territory. Neither tells you what's bothering them. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. Neither does any dishes. Both fart shamelessly. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. Both like dominance games. Both are suspicious of the postman. Neither understands what you see in cats. HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. Dogs miss you when you're gone. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong. Dogs admit when they're jealous. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw). You can train a dog. Dogs are easy to buy for. The worst social disease you can get from dogs , is fleas. , Loaches (OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you). Dogs understand what "no" means. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. 
TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN A dog's parents will never visit you. A dog , loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor. A dog , limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink. A dog , never expects you to telephone. A dog , will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday. A dog , does not care about the previous dogs , in your life. A dog , does not get mad at you if you pet another dog. A dog , never expects flowers on Valentine's Day. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you. A dog, does not shop. DOG PROPERTY LAWS If I like it, it's mine. If it's in my mouth, it's mine. If I can take it from you, it's mine. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. If it just looks like mine, it's mine. If I saw it first, it's mine. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. If it's broken, it's yours. 
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want. Don't go out without ID. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed). If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience. Let others know when they've invaded your territory. Take naps and always stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On hot days, drink lots of water, and lie under a shady tree. When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body. No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends. | |||||||||||||||||||||
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Location: Canada
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| How many dogs , does it take to change a light bulb? | ||
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Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear , Cockatiels and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. Rottweiler: Make me. Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . . Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeeky toys in the dark. Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover.... Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there........ Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? Australian Shepherd: First I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? Westie: Dogs , Fish Feeding and Digestion do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs, I am not one of THEM, so the question is, how long will it be before I can expect my light? Basset hound: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz  | ||
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